What the Hell, English
by Kiki Kawasaki
Hello there, this is an article that explains how evil the English language is from a perspective of a non-native speaker of English. Get ready to be offended. The word, “Evil,” is coming from one of the author’s ELL teacher whose parents are Austrian and who speaks German at a fluency to the degree where he does not struggle to have basic conversations. He is one of the most idiosyncratic person that one could conceivably imagine, or rather more idiosyncratic than one could possibly imagine: imagine a person that is the most idiosyncratic and add some idiosyncrasies to them. That is him. He is always energetic and ready to “performance” in a class. He has never told the students his age but it is assumed that he is at least more than 60 years old. Despite that, one can never expect what he is about to do next. One day he, all of a sudden, jumped onto one of the desks where of course no student was sitting, to explain what happens in a short story that the students were working on; he lay down himself onto his desk and started to explain how he had been about to die the other day in a hospital joyfully as if he had been talking about his birthday party. He always says “Evil language” when students struggle to understand irregular rules or those of an absolute contradictory mess. The reason why the fact that he speaks German has to be aforementioned is that English grammar is a joke compared to that of German. The author is seeing that the Canadians are silently offended; they are supposed to be kind and nice. That the Germans are nodding and smirking without a word. One day the author was having a conversation regarding the German language with him; when the author said “English is like an uneducated version of German, isn’t it?” he merely burst into laugh and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Let it be given to the reader an example. One of the preternatural disasters of English grammar is singularization and pluralization. Though the concept of singular and plural is another catastrophe, it is forgiven since all of the romance languages and germanic languages have such concepts. Most of the time, English speakers do not struggle to pluralize words since it is merely a task of adding “s” to the end of a word, but English is way sneakier than one could possibly think it is. The other day, though the author do not say who, one of the members of writing major said something like: “… judged by one criteria.” Yes, this person has to be executed. So sinful. It should be “… judged by one criteri[on].” It is similar to a word, “phenomenon (plur. phenomena).” The student (from writing major) actually should not be executed because the mistaken usage of the word has been present for over half a century and the grammar should constantly change, given how native speakers heretofore speak. On the other hand, in German, every word has to follow one of six rules of pluralization with no exception. In Italian, the last letter of a word has to change depending on whether it is a masculine or feminine word and there is a decent rule for exceptional words so every word falls onto one rules of three. Here’s a relatively small disaster for a recess. There is a concept in linguistics, called grammatical cases. It could be explained in detail but it is intriguing only when the reader is fond of linguistics. Thus here’s chart. Sing. Nom. Obl. Gen. Pos. Plur. Nom. Obl. Gen. Pos. 1st person I Me My Mine We us our ours 2nd person You You Your Yours You You Your Yours 3rd person He Him His His They Them Their Theirs She Her Her Hers It goes without saying that sing. 3rd person pronouns are disastrous but what is important to be noted is that singular and plural 2nd person pronouns are the identical. Singular 2nd person pronouns used be Thou Thee Thy Thine. Some claim that English speakers were so nice that they would always use formal thou, which is you, and sing. 2nd p. pronouns has become you. The concept of referring to the listener (2nd person) as 3rd or plural one is present in some other languages. In French, formal way to refer to the listener is vous, which is obviously plur. 2nd p. pronoun, Canadian. In Italian and Spanish, it is sing. 3rd p. In German, it is sing. 3rd p. In Quebecois, Tu has not vanished yet. It is implausible, eh?
Hello there, this is an article that explains how evil the English language is from a perspective of a non-native speaker of English. Get ready to be offended. The word, “Evil,” is coming from one of the author’s ELL teacher whose parents are Austrian and who speaks German at a fluency to the degree where he does not struggle to have basic conversations. He is one of the most idiosyncratic person that one could conceivably imagine, or rather more idiosyncratic than one could possibly imagine: imagine a person that is the most idiosyncratic and add some idiosyncrasies to them. That is him. He is always energetic and ready to “performance” in a class. He has never told the students his age but it is assumed that he is at least more than 60 years old. Despite that, one can never expect what he is about to do next. One day he, all of a sudden, jumped onto one of the desks where of course no student was sitting, to explain what happens in a short story that the students were working on; he lay down himself onto his desk and started to explain how he had been about to die the other day in a hospital joyfully as if he had been talking about his birthday party. He always says “Evil language” when students struggle to understand irregular rules or those of an absolute contradictory mess. The reason why the fact that he speaks German has to be aforementioned is that English grammar is a joke compared to that of German. The author is seeing that the Canadians are silently offended; they are supposed to be kind and nice. That the Germans are nodding and smirking without a word. One day the author was having a conversation regarding the German language with him; when the author said “English is like an uneducated version of German, isn’t it?” he merely burst into laugh and said “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Let it be given to the reader an example. One of the preternatural disasters of English grammar is singularization and pluralization. Though the concept of singular and plural is another catastrophe, it is forgiven since all of the romance languages and germanic languages have such concepts. Most of the time, English speakers do not struggle to pluralize words since it is merely a task of adding “s” to the end of a word, but English is way sneakier than one could possibly think it is. The other day, though the author do not say who, one of the members of writing major said something like: “… judged by one criteria.” Yes, this person has to be executed. So sinful. It should be “… judged by one criteri[on].” It is similar to a word, “phenomenon (plur. phenomena).” The student (from writing major) actually should not be executed because the mistaken usage of the word has been present for over half a century and the grammar should constantly change, given how native speakers heretofore speak. On the other hand, in German, every word has to follow one of six rules of pluralization with no exception. In Italian, the last letter of a word has to change depending on whether it is a masculine or feminine word and there is a decent rule for exceptional words so every word falls onto one rules of three. Here’s a relatively small disaster for a recess. There is a concept in linguistics, called grammatical cases. It could be explained in detail but it is intriguing only when the reader is fond of linguistics. Thus here’s chart. Sing. Nom. Obl. Gen. Pos. Plur. Nom. Obl. Gen. Pos. 1st person I Me My Mine We us our ours 2nd person You You Your Yours You You Your Yours 3rd person He Him His His They Them Their Theirs She Her Her Hers It goes without saying that sing. 3rd person pronouns are disastrous but what is important to be noted is that singular and plural 2nd person pronouns are the identical. Singular 2nd person pronouns used be Thou Thee Thy Thine. Some claim that English speakers were so nice that they would always use formal thou, which is you, and sing. 2nd p. pronouns has become you. The concept of referring to the listener (2nd person) as 3rd or plural one is present in some other languages. In French, formal way to refer to the listener is vous, which is obviously plur. 2nd p. pronoun, Canadian. In Italian and Spanish, it is sing. 3rd p. In German, it is sing. 3rd p. In Quebecois, Tu has not vanished yet. It is implausible, eh?